What a Summer!
by Marauder-girl
Summary: What happens when Albus Dumbledore sets up his staff on 'Blind Holidays'. Knowing that old coot a hell of a lot!
1. Prologue

What A Summer!

Disclaimer: Decided to do this first! I don't own ANYTHING in this fic at all, not even the plotline! The plot belongs to Manechan. Who kindly let me borrow the idea from her mini-comic and of course the characters all belong to JK.

A/N: I swear you have to read this comic…. It's hysterical! Here is the link http:manechan. Anywho I asked her if I could fic it and she said I could….. Here it is, be prepared for madness.

Ded: To Manechan for letting me use the idea!

Anywho on with the fic!

Prologue: End Of Term!

"Now I suppose you're all wondering why I've gathered you here."

Albus Dumbledore's clear sharp voice rang loudly in the silence of his office. Gathered all around him were his staff with varying looks of disgust, anguish and annoyance. There was a grunt of assent, which the eccentric headmaster took as approval.

"Well as it is now the end of term, I have decided that we all need a major vacation! I have specifically booked a wonderful holiday for all of you….." he noted a few glares being shot his way "Which I'm sure you will enjoy."

There was once again silence, the sort of silence that hurts your ears, until finally a voice spoke up and shattered it.

"Surely you must be kidding Headmaster! This is utterly preposterous! I am not going on some half assed holiday you set up."

From the left another, shriller voice called out "For once I agree with Severus! Albus you've gone too far. You can't take away our free will on where we want to spend our holidays!"

The headmaster took no heed of these complaints and continued.

"Minerva, Severus whilst I appreciate your concerns, you have nothing to worry about. The holiday packages are tailored to your needs." There was an odd mischievous gleam in his eye, which sent a shiver down the faculty's spine.

"And besides" he continued "If you don't go I'll just have to fire you!"

The room erupted into instant chaos with a unanimous cry of "WHAT!"

Albus chuckled evilly, sometimes there were some good points to being the boss. He let off a firecracker from his wand in the effort to settle them down.

"Now, now people there is no need to get riotous."

"But you just threatened to sack us!"

"Merely just a precaution…. You NEED these holidays. Go out and see the world. I'll see you at the airport!"

And before any of them could utter another complaint he swiftly vacated his office and headed into his quarters. Securely warding the door, because as the old saying went 'Hell hath no fury like a Hogwarts Professor scorned.'

Later at the Airport

The Professors formed an uneasy group in the muggle airport. They were not really used to being around this many people. After about a ten minute wait Dumbledore showed up sporting safari gear. A truly traumatizing sight. Behind him Hagrid ambled up with all matter of items that would be considered illegal on most continents.

"Ah nice to see you all turned up…. Er…. Where is Severus? Ah not matter I'll deal with him when we get back."

The staff grumbled, cursing the potions master for escaping.

"Anyway here are your tickets and your packs explaining your destination, which WON'T open until you arrive at the connecting airport. Have a great summer people."

And once again he strode off toward his gate, Hagrid in tow.

"Am I the only one that thinks this is a bad idea" said McGonagall shaking her head.

"Nope!" replied the short form of Professor Flitwick.

And so the (not so) merry band dispersed, not quite sure what was in store for them.

Fin Prologue

A/N: Short and random I know…. But it was just an intro chapter to lead into the story. Coming up next: Escapades in Africa! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!


	2. Escapades In Africa!

What A Summer

Chapter 2: Escapades In Africa!

A/N: Yay! Finally got around to updating! Had another 'Crash of ye Laptop saga' –Rolls eyes- Oh Joyous! Anywho after much toil I got things up and running again! So here we have the second Chapter of 'What a Summer'

DIS: See first chapter –Sticks out tongue-

Dedication: Again to Manechan… Thanks sweetie for letting me use this! And also to those lovely people who reviewed. Yay!

Albus walked toward the departure gate. A hulking shadow behind him.

"Right 'er Headmaster sir, what number gate is it again?"

"Twenty three Hagrid, it's the next one."

"Right…"

Five hours and twenty-seven minutes later the two travellers were heading out of the airport, fully robed, sweating and fairly irritated by the airplanes lack of air conditioning. They had been 20,000 feet in the air… surely not impossible to pipe in a little cool air. Oh course that's what you got when you booked budget, Albus was instantly regretting his decision to be a cheapskate. But at least the worst of it was over or so he thought. Cautiously the headmaster looked around the mass car park in hope of finding his tour guide. After ten minutes of searching he found a guy with a hastily scrawled sign saying 'Wi3rd dUmblyDore'. He cautiously approached the man, not knowing what insanity was about to happen.

"Are you here to pick up Albus Dumbledore?

The man nodded mutely, looking a little startled at the obscurely dressed man and his 'overly' large friend. The three of them clambered into the small car with no great ease, Albus being squashed between Hagrid and his suitcase. The drive was far from comfortable and even our eccentric headmaster was beginning to think that even he had went a bit to far this time.

Finally after much grumbling they reached their hotel, Hagrid's idea for a safari holiday had probably been his best yet, if you thought a holiday where you were the main course for mosquitoes was enjoyable. But of course not wanting to hurt the friendly half-giants feelings and cause himself some bodily harm in the process he chose to remain silent about his misgivings.

"Lovely place innit headmaster?"

Dumbledore just replied with a grim smile and a very small 'Lovely', blatantly trying to ignore the swarming pests. And damn and blast it he'd forgotten to pick up his magical insect repellent. Not wanting to spend the whole night up discussing with Hagrid the wonders of bug-kind. He politely excused himself and went straight to bed. Thinking that he had already taken about all he could, unaware that yet one more surprise lay in store for the poor old man.

Striding into the bedroom he noticed that both his and Hagrid's luggage had been moved into the one room. Puzzled but not put off walked on into the room, just making sure that everything was where it was supposed to be. His mental check list consisted of: Bathroom check, wardrobe check, bed…. This was where he faltered, sure there was a bed. 'A' being the operative, um letter there.

'You have got to be kidding me!'

The Headmaster cursed himself for being such a miser, all the thousands of Galleons he'd collected over the years and he always had to be penny pinching. And this is what you got for it…. A fg single room. They had only just arrived and already he missed his home, his comfy bed socks and a nice hot lemon tea.

Muttering he magically changed himself into his pyjamas and climbed into bed. Hoping welcome slumber would take him and free him from this hell hole.

Several hours later

The door to the room creaked open and a huge shadow lumbered in, swaying uneasily. There was the occasional grunt as he made his way to the bed, and a deep sigh as he settled himself down on it and lying back he let the warm night air sweep over him and ….

'ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!'

Hagrid leapt of the bed with surprising deftness looking around wildly for the evil creature that had made it's way into his room. Slowly he made his way toward the bed. The bed-side table clutched in one hand and the bed sheet in the other. The was a quick mutter and light flooded the room.

'What in the name of Merlins balls do you think your doing?'

'I…er… Headmaster is that you?' said the bewildered giant, squinting at the light.

'Yes it is me! What did you think you were doing?'

'Uh tu be 'onest sir, going to bed.'

'Listen there has been some sort of cock up and we've only been given a single room.' Dumbledore tried to keep his face impassive as he lied through his teeth.

'…….Oh…. I understand…. Floor?'

'If you would.'

'Right sir.'

And so the rest of the night passed in relative peace.

The Next Morning

Albus strode out into the sun with a feeling of great pride and superiority. He had just had a meeting with the hotel staff about his room and things had gone well, for him at least. There was nothing like having a eight foot eight bodyguard behind you when your trying to press the point that it is them who have made the error. Ah…. This was the stuff dreams were made of.

Hagrid ambled up behind with guide in tow. Today was the first day of the safari and although the rather disastrous trip yesterday had put his previous happy disposition out of whack, this promised to be a rather good trip. Africa was renowned for it's magical and non-magical creatures, so it would cater to Hagrid's tastes fabulously, while he could soak up the sun.

'It is an honour to meet you sir' Said the guide, offering his hand in a gesture clearly meaning: 'I'm a little fan boy of yours could you please turn me into something 'Unnatural' so I can brag to my friends.' Enjoy the spot of sport he had been allowed, he took the hand and shook it warmly. Making the mental note to make it something incredibly slimy and warty.

Soon enough though they were in the wilds of Africa, Hagrid head poking out the jeep like some overenthusiastic puppy. The guide took his time and showed every bunch of rocks and clump of grass. In the entirety of the wilderness. And now he was getting bored, time for some fun.

'Um… Guide' He had yet to learn the boys name 'Aren't there any animals about? I mean we've wandering around forever and we haven't seen anything.'

The guide swallowed nervously. First bad move, showing fear, this boy was easy pickings.

'Um… well sir most of the places are quartered off because of the danger.'

Albus grin was feral 'Surely you can't be afraid, with myself and my good friend Hagrid around' There was careful emphasis on 'Good friend' and the young guide was quaking in his boots.

'I… suppose…'

'Excellent!' Said Dumbledore cutting across him 'Hagrid what would you like to go and see?'

Hagrid brightened up 'Haven't you guys got a pack Leocamoes here? I wud loves to see them.'

'Leocamoes? You're mental, those things are dangerous!' The guide was now terrified.

'But consider you're options. On one hand you could take us to see the Leocamoes with our full protection, or you could not and have two rather irate customers?'

Now visibly shaking the guide just mouthed an answer and drove onwards, totally unaware that this day was not going to get any better.

An hour or so later they arrived at what appeared to be a small clearing. Like most stereotypical clearings it had a small cave and the odd tree dotted around. There was an air of total stillness about the place, but this didn't scare the veteran Headmaster. It never ceased to amaze him just how vicious and volatile a group of first year wizards could be. However as a precaution he cast a shield spell incase any unwelcome visitors made themselves welcome. Slowly the air shifted and out came what at first appeared to be a lion, but then it just seemed to disappear, melting away with the fading sun. hagrid grabbed his oversized handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes.

'Aren't the' beautiful.' He said blowing his nose rather loudly.

'That they are Hagrid.'

'I gotta get closer' and without a hint of warning he strode out of the protection of the shield spell shattering it in the process. At was at this point that the guide became hysteric screaming and shouting loudly. Not exactly the wisest thing to do around a pack of Lions that could blend into the background. The ultimate killing machine. Dumbledore clonked the kid over the back of the head and then….. they pounced.

For the first few seconds it seemed as if it was just the wind and then he found himself flat on his back looking into a grinning creature's mouth. My what big teeth he had, and that was the last thought before consciousness fled.

A few hours later

Dumbledore woke up with a hell of a headache and looked around. They were in a cave, he thought at least it looked like a cave. In this godforsaken country who knew, well he certainly didn't and it was very dark.

'I'd sit very still if I were you sir.' The gruff voice could only belong to Hagrid.

'What's going on?'

'Um… you don't really want to know.'

'Where's the guide?'

'………..'

'Hagrid!'

'Um…. He's dinner….'

'…………….'

'What about us!'

'We're safe…'

'SAFE! We're in a Leocamoes den.'

'Yeah but They like me…'

'And that's such a consolation, why do they like you?'

'I challenged the leader and won. I'm sorta an honorary member.'

'Okay so why aren't I lunch?'

'……………..'

'HAGRID!'

'Shhhh….. I sorta told em' somethin'.'

'I'm hoping it's along the lines of he's stringy and bland tasting.'

'Um…. Not quite…'

'……….. What did you tell them'

'………………..'

'I swear to god I will curse you and then sack you if you don't tell me right now.'  
Hagrid leant over and whispered something into Albus' ear. In the darkness Dumbledore could feel the red rushing up his face in pure fury and very soon it was going to come all pouring out. Three, two, one………..

'YOU TOLD THEM WHAT!'

'Headmaster' shhh. It was the only thing I could say. It was that or you became lunch!'

Dumbledore struggled to reign in his temper. Then a cold realisation swept over him.

'You said the guide is dead!'

'Um… Yes.'

'(Very loud and long swearing rant). We're going to get tried for murder!'

'Bu' it wasn' us who killed him.'

'Doesn't matter. We dragged him here, Oh poopies!'

'Sir I think it's time we left'

'Agreed, good job I have the very thing we need'

And with that he produced a small blue bottle, a portkey.

'Hold on Hagrid, we'll be home in a jiffy.'

There was a brief swirl and then they were flung forward into Dumbledore's office, where they landed on the floor in a crumpled heap. They slowly got to their feet.

'Er… so I can trust you to keep this secret.'

Hagrid nodded, he didn't want to go to prison again for something he hadn't done. He left the office leaving the Headmaster to contemplate his brief holiday. And the conclusion was:

'No one must ever know!'

A/N: Ah man this took like forever. Manechan I'm so sorry if this isn't what you were expecting. I had a warped idea and went with it! The poor guide…. I think I'll name him Sid Next up Teachers Uncovered


End file.
